You're not at fault
by DarkestWolfx
Summary: Ethan believes it, and that is enough to make it so. You couldn't exactly blame him, but no one needed to do such, because he blamed himself: it was his fault, no matter what contradictions his brother could try and put to it. Guilt/Frienship focus/Spoilers for Born Lucky (4/10/14).


This was really just another spark for a situation for our beloved brothers, focussing a bit more on guilt as an emotion I suppose since I haven't really written on that basis. I don't think I'll be able to get anything else up until after Saturday's episode which I will definitely write for from the look of the promo and the summary. After this I will continue to write whatever ideas come to me as and when they do, but I shall start to fulfill the requests made to me by Jinxy13112 and lydiashybird for fanfics as well as any other requests anyone might like to make.

Note: This is very much from Ethan's point of view rather than just general who two sided.

* * *

You could have asked Ethan what he expected as a result of the accident, but he never would have said anything near its outcome.

Cal was being so dutiful. He commonly took shifts from the nurses meant to be looking after him, even though he was meant to be using it as time off for a couple of days and Ethan had established in his mind that if he was to ask Cal to jump at this moment he probably would if he thought it would help and heal like a trained dog at every word out of his mouth in case one - just one - was some kind of ask or instruction.

Ethan though, didn't find any of this as amusing as he would if the circumstances were even just a tad altered. It was difficult for him to find amusement in Cal's actions when they were a reminder that he was in a hospital bed, injured in a crash (for a mini bus which he was driving) on a trip which ended in disaster.

And death.

Cal couldn't help it, because he was just trying to be at his brother's aid; and for once with something concerning Cal, it was an innocent action from the good of his heart, yet his gentleness and dutifulness was reminiscent of that of Jeff's when he was treating him on the scene. His jokes about rest and sick pay, how he'd be alright, how the paramedic pretty much saved his life long enough for Cal to be able to save it so that he was able to sit where he was now.

Then no one had been able to save him in return.

Ethan could think back to many times and he could only remember Jeff as kind, dedicated and ever helpful, with the right balance of humour and concern to be a brilliant paramedic: he was suited to the role.

Why it was - the young register recounted - only last week that Jeff had helped him out when his eye had been injured in the wedding floor wreck call that they had been required to assist with.  
Jeff had worried for him, but at the same time allowed Ethan to try and sort things himself, checking up on him and enquiring as to how he was to ensure that there was no major damage as was his job, yet at the same time he did it through the role of a friend.

Cal had been with him most of the afternoon now. He'd been forced home that morning and upon his return around two o clock, insisted he was staying unless some catastrophe happened such as the end of the world - which Ethan knew he said, because it was one of the least likely things to happen, or soon to happen if at all anyway. Cal had been prattling (well it all sounded relevant to him) and Ethan had managed to mindlessly nod and throw in a few one word answers or sounds to show he was listening when in all honesty, he wasn't paying attention to his brother at all hence the 'prattling' the elder was uninformedly undertaking.

"Is it my fault?" He asked Cal suddenly, not really knowing whether he interrupted a sentence or not, because he really had gone past listening.

"Sorry?" Answering a question with another question was not the response Ethan had wanted nor the one Cal had wanted to offer, but he didn't seem to understand - well of course Cal did, but it most likely wasn't a thought he wished to entertain.

"All of this," Ethan continued, "If... If I'd pulled over or been able to stop the car in time... If-"

"No, no don't talk like that Eth," Cal assured, "There was nothing you could have done."

"Of course there were things I could do!" Ethan was at a loss to understand Cal's passiveness. Of course he could have changed things, because he was driving and drivers were supposed to have control.

"No - Ethan - there weren't." The response was monotonial and Ethan could tell Cal definitely wanted to get off of such a subject. In all honesty, he did too, but it was one which possessed his every thought and no matter what he tried he could not stop it from doing such.

As morbid as it was, Ethan was stuck processing slowly over Jeff's death like a farm animal would fodder.

"But-" Ethan didn't get very far in this sentence and had to break off when Caleb interrupted.

"You suffered the worst in that crash - you and Ash - and it was certainly not your fault. What happened to Jeff is terrible, but you are not to blame. The bus exploded, you didn't make it and there were no signs that it was going to."

"You're sure?" Cal just nodded and seemed to welcome the short-lived silence, "And he's definitely dead? This isn't another joke." If he actually been able to see his brothers face clearly through his misted eyes, Ethan would have seen the very quickly morphed expression of unusual upset appear in his siblings countenance.

Ethan didn't know much at this point - or rather wanted to remember much - and it was such a sudden flip that you could tell Cal hadn't expected it after what he believed was a fine afternoon with his mentally stable brother externally, where as internally was a flurried fit similar to a snowstorm whirling and circling up into some giant gale, "Cal please tell me it's another joke."

He was practically begging for that answer now when a minute ago it had been the least of what he desired to hear and would have screamed murder if such turned out to be true from his brother.

"Eth, I... You know it isn't." The elder was rather offended and upset that Ethan thought him capable of coming up with such a thing to joke as that and although he could think of a few possible reasons why his younger brother may think that (although he had never joked about death) and he put part of said comment down to the overwhelming waves of stress brought on by the current situation.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what to say," Shaking his head, Caleb commented, with the only thing he could think to say. When his little brother still offered no speech - rather just sniffed and breathed deeply, tears poking at the edges of his eyes – Cal reached out a hand and placed it on Ethan's back, "Eth..."

"You're not at fault." Ethan found his head buried suddenly in the crook of Cal's next, the elder's chin resting gently on his head, something Ethan had missed after Cal stopped indulging in such 'emotive' ways since he was a child.

Cal's hand was the one presence currently keeping Ethan in the real world for he knew without it he would definitely have slipped into infinite morbid recounts of memory.

"It's going to be alight, you'll be alright." Ethan could feel Cal's hand running up and down his back in a soothing manner that one wouldn't associate with him. Other than his own struggles, the room was silent and it suddenly seemed as though the hospital was deserted and yet it was still hard to imagine you were anywhere but.

The clinical atmosphere, the beeping of machines, the nagging in the back of your head that a hospital was exactly where you were. Ethan knew, he just knew that he couldn't do it on his own, he couldn't get through this although he didn't trust Cal to stick around.

"And I'll be here this time." Cal assured, almost as though he had just read Ethan's mind – they say about siblings connections don't they? - as he held his brother tightly, like nothing would be able to pull him away from him and yet as tenderly as you would a new born baby or lamb.

Ethan leaned his head onto Cal and finally stopped resisting the endless flow of tears he knew was coming, tears which begun relentlessly streaming with no sign of ceasing.

And Cal would be there this time.

Strangely, that Ethan believed.

* * *

These two are just too addictive to write for – I put it down to George Rainsford and Richard Windsor's amazing acting in all their scenes – I will seriously be writing more for them until I run out of ideas which at the minute will probably not be for a while.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed/favourited/alerted The Worst Thing and to those who alerted/favourited me as an author – it means a lot to me!

P.S. I'm still completely open for requests just leave it in a review or PM me.


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